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Scris de Alina   

Acum cateva luni am citit "What the dog saw" de Malcolm Gladwell si o parte anume mi-a atras atentia mult mai mult decat orice alta poveste din carte. Este o colectie de articole scrise de-a lungul vremii de jurnalistul care a ajuns deja celebru; partea cu dresorul de caini este fascinanta. 

 

Un barbat din Mexico, foarte talentat, viziteaza famili care au o probleme cu caini prea violenti. Ii iubesc si-i rasfata dar cainii in loc sa arate afectiune inapoi, agreseaza cum pot mai tare. Acelasi sindrom il au si copii nostri, cu cat ii rasfatam mai tare cu atat devin mai agresivi. Daca nu le dam limite si disciplina ajung sa ne muste inapoi. Nu, nu vreau sa predic disciplina din generatia care a trecut - unde o palma doua si o curea la fund functioneaza. Ci disciplina a la super parinti. Am incercat metodele pe care le-am vazut pe "SuperNanny" combinate cu sfaturi din cartea lui Malcom Gladwell si rezultatele sunt uimitoare.

Ce trebuie facut:

 

Doua liste clare  

Fa o lista cu zero tolerente (exemplu: fara muscaturi si lovituri, fara scuipat si fara cuvinte urate) si o lista cu lucruri pe care ai vrea sa inceteze sa le faa dar nu e capat de lume daca nu se opreste imediat (la masa nu sta drept, nu zice buna ziua cand vede pe cineva pe strada etc)

Un loc special 

Informeaza-ti copilul ca de acum incolo daca se abate de la reguli (incepe cu lista cu zero tolerante si treci la a doua lista dupa ce esti sigura ca ai rezolvat pe prima) va merge intr-un loc special. Acel loc poate sa fie un colt in general, poate sa fie un scaun special in casa sau pur si simplu un x mare pe podea. 

Cum ii vorbesti

La orice abatare trebuie sa te lasi in jos la nivelul lui, il privesti direct in ochi si iti folosesti vocea serioasa (nu tipa, nu functioneaza prea bine). Ia-ta ce ii poti zice "Sti ca mami/tati ti-a zis ca nu ai voie sa faci asta. Pentru ca nu ai respectat ce a zis mami/tati vei merge la colt". Il iei in brate sau il indrumi spre colt

Odata ce esti in locul special

Ai grija sa ii spui din nou de ce este in locul special.

 

Cat timp

Copilul va petrece in locul special cateva minute. Daca are 4 ani e bine sa il lasi 4 minute. Daca are 5, 5 minute si asa mai departe. Incearca sa setezi timpul de la cuptorul cu microunde sau orice alta alarma sa fie clar ca respecti timpul in minute 

 

Daca nu vrea sa stea in colt

La inceput ii vei zice ca daca nu sta la colt ii vei dubla timpul. Daca pleaca, reseteaza ceasul si pune dublu. Daca nu functioneaza pur si simplu ii iei in brate si il pui la loc. Se poate intampla, in cazul unui copil foarte neastamparat, sa faci multe drumuri (catedata chiar si cateva ore). Dar asta se va intampla doar la inceput. Ai rabdare, va intelege ca tu esti stapan pe situatie si te tii de promisiuni. Data viitoare se va duce singur in locul special

 

La sfarsitul perioadei

Te duci iar la nivelul lui si ii zici ca perioada s-a terminat si poata sa iasa din colt/scaun. Il iei in brate si ii spui ca il iubesti

 

Ce sa faci data viitoare

La a doua abatare, sugerez sa faci acelasi lucru. Totusi, prea multa pedeapsa nu face bine asa ca tre sa alternezi cu alte doua metode:

- Il avertizezi ca daca va continua il vei pune imediat in colt/scaun

- Ii spui ca numeri pana la trei si daca nu inceteaza va merge imediat la colt

 

Invata-l sa-si ceara scuze. E un pas mic dar mare pentru atunci cand va intelege ca locul special nu mai e de ajuns pentru copilul care devine mare

 

 

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